Sexy Halloween Costumes for Women: 2016 Candidates

Holy lord they keep coming up with new ones. 

A couple years ago I documented in great detail my distaste for hyper-sexualized Halloween costumes. You know the ones: taking something innocuous - like a profession, food or children's character - and turning it "sexy" as an excuse to show your T&A on Halloween, a holiday traditionally targeted at children. 

It's creepy people! 

If you must have a sexy costume (and don't get me wrong, I'm all for looking cute), pick something that is inherently sexy - like a Greek goddess or Princess Leia in the gold bikini or even a character from Baywatch. Don't take a beloved children's character like Nemo or Winnie the Pooh or even fucking Yoda and make it into an excuse not to wear pants. Pleaaaaaase!

Take a look at the examples I picked out from 2014 here and 2015 here.

Then take a look at some of the outfits that caught my eye this year. Read 'em and weep:

1. Professions. Look how simple it is to sex up jobs like Marine and SWAT Team Officer. These ladies look ready to kick some ass.

2. Current events. I love a costume that is topical. I bet you didn't know you could sexify Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, a "400 lb" hacker or even newly minted Presidential Debate superstar Kenneth Bone did ya? Now you know.

3. Children's characters. My favorite! And by "favorite" I mean "the one that makes me ill." Here you have sexy hipster Snow White and Sexy Pokemon. 

4. Miscellaneous. These just go into the "BOOBS!" category.

Happy Halloween kiddos! Eat candy and wear pants!

Let your clothes do the talking: 20 graphic tees that make a statement

Story of my life (buy from Etsy.com)

Story of my life (buy from Etsy.com)

Statement tees and tanks are all the rage right now. Use this to your advantage. Give people a glimpse into what you're all about without having to say a word. Make people laugh without even having to stop and talk to them. Maybe, they'll stop YOU just based on your amazing sense of humor. 

Check these out:

Show your political support - or lack thereof. Here's my contribution. Buy from LookHuman here, TipsyElves here and awesomepoliticalshirts here

Sometimes, it's just "no." Buy from Target here, LivLuvShop here and Sub_Urban Riot here.

When you need to toot your own horn. Buy from Target here and Etsy here.

For when you need to establish your dominance. Buy from Etsy hereModcloth here and BuyMeBrunch here. 

For yours truly, this is really no surprise. Buy from BuyMeBrunch here and here and Wicked Apparel here.

It's all fun and games til I bite your arm off. Buy from Etsy here, LivLuvShop here and BuyMeBrunch here.

And these just because they make me laugh. Buy from BuyMeBrunch here, Etsy here and Amazon here.

bossyisthenewblack.net.jpg
 

Wear This: Who's Ready for Spring?

To find some new ideas for clothes and accessories for the coming seasons, I nosed around online to get the scoop on the spring trends. There were things like daytime lingerie, leather with lace, ruffles, shimmery/shiny fabrics and Victorian necklines. Not exactly everyday wear.

But I also picked up some ideas from the runways and fashion mags that if kept simple, are totally wearable by the regular gal, especially those of us who have limited budgets. 

Happy shopping!

Orange: Orange is the new green...and yellow. Add a pop of color to your gray, white and navy outfits with an orange top, skirt or scarf. Don't wear it head to toe though or you'll look like a pumpkin. Get these cropped pants from Zara here; skirts from Asos here and here; and top from Old Navy here

Trapeze dresses: What's better than getting a little fresh air up your skirt? Keep it loose with a trapeze shift dress. I like these trapeze dresses from Nordstrom here and here and this charcoal gray swing dress from Lulu's here.

Kimonos: Kimonos are a funky alternative to a cardigan for work or nighttime - or for a swim cover-up or topper for shorts and a tank for day. Check these out from Target here or Nordstrom Rack here.

bitnb cold shoulders

Cold shoulders (aka off the shoulder, shoulder cut-outs, asymmetrical necklines): Anyone who watches The Bachelor is already familiar with this look; the young people are already down with cold shoulders. But anyway this is actually an easy look to pull off for anyone. Just don't try to run on the beach if you don't have straps. Find the black top from Urban Outfitters here; the purple from Nordstrom here; and the floral from Lulu's here.

LWD ("Little White Dress"): The next best thing to a Little Black Dress? The Little White Dress! Perfect for spring and summer when you don't want to attract the sun any more than necessary - or try something different for GNO. I'm digging on versions from Express here; Zara here; and Asos here.

Cool kicks: Hurray for sneaks! Apparently "slip on" sneakers are what's on trend but I think any chunky, colorful sneaker (lace or no lace) is a cool way to complete a casual look, especially for travel. Find Converse All Stars hereCoach Chrissy hereKeds Double Decker here; and Vans Camden here

Bold stripes: Do I put stripes on this list every time? Guilty! I love them. Check out the striped camisole top from Express here; striped maxi dress from Old Navy here; and striped midi skirt from J. Crew here.

Happy Spring ladies!

 

5 easy & cheap DIY Halloween costumes for your dog (and how to make them)

I love Halloween. And I love dogs. And since it's October I think it makes perfect sense to post about Halloween costumes for dogs!

Does this make me look like a "crazy dog lady?" I guess. But I know how cute dogs look in costumes and I know there are a lot of you out there who feel the same. This is what we call a "no-brainer."

So I looked for creative, homemade costume ideas on the interweb and figured out how to make them all myself using as much as I could from materials I already had in the house, supplemented by the bounty you can find at Amazon.com. Then I modeled and photographed each costume on my patient pup, Jessie Belle (JB for short). And by "patient" I mean -- she will let me put them on her, but she will shoot hatred through her eyes into my soul until I take it off. (It's all worth it for the art though, amirite?)

Here's the key of JB's hatred toward wearing a costume:
1 = doesn't hate it at all  
2 = knows it's there but isn't trying to rip it off  
3 = she's officially annoyed by it; I have to take a pic quick before she rips it off  
4 = she officially hates it
5 = she hates it and she's going to kill me in my sleep

Here we go...

5 easy and cheap Halloween costume ideas for dogs that you can make yourself:

Beanie Baby. This is probably the easiest costume you'll ever come across. All you need to do is find the Ty logo online, enlarge it, print it on sturdy paper (card stock or photo paper) and cut it out. Punch a small hole in the top of the tag and attach it to your dog's collar with a small piece of ribbon or string. Super easy and super adorable, especially if you have a beautiful doggie like JB.

Materials = the internet, a color printer, photo paper or card stock, ribbon or string
Cost = $0
Level of hatred JB feels toward wearing it = 2

Jessie (Belle) Pinkman from Breaking Bad. True, this one is a little outdated - Breaking Bad ended last year. But since I had the yellow raincoat I wanted to make it happen anyway. 

If you really want to take this to the next level, you can find more of a full body yellow rain suit for dogs on Amazon (yes, they do make such a thing. Find one here), as well as a respirator mask costume set (here). I tried to keep this thing cheap so these are just the basics.

Materials = a yellow raincoat (buy here), safety goggles (buy here), Ziploc bag, blue powder or rocks (I used blue bath salts)
Cost = $5-15 (I already had the raincoat and the blue powder so I only had to shell out $3 for the goggles)
Level of hatred JB feels toward wearing it = 2 for the raincoat; 5 for the goggles

Kissing Booth. This one is really cute but logistically only good for a couple photos. Knowing that JB would hate having this anywhere near her, I just cut the flaps off of a cardboard box and made the front side of the booth by taping on two paint stirrer sticks (free at Home Depot or Lowe's) and glued on signs I printed on my home printer. If your dog will sit still for any length of time in this thing - or even let you box him/her in completely - you could use the whole box and cut out the section for his/her head to go through. That was not an option for me, but I got my photo so I'm happy. 

I also taped some pieces of string on the back -- one to loop around her head and one to secure to her collar so the sign would stay upright. If you are using the whole box you won't need the string.

Materials = a cardboard box, a color printer, paper, 2 paint stirrers, tape, string
Cost = $0
Level of hatred JB feels toward wearing it = 3

20151011_154255637_iOS.jpg

Pizza Rat. This one is the most topical and probably the least practical, because really, your dog isn't going to just sit idly by while there's a slice of pizza in sight. Jessie Belle sure didn't. She took that thing DOWN. But she looked cute doing it.

Anyway, I found rat (mouse?) ears on Amazon but then realized JB had a raggedy (un)stuffed shark toy in her toy stockpile that looked pretty beat up. So I cut it down along the seams, wrapped it around a 1" headband and used safety pins to secure it, then sewed on the sharks "fins" as ears. And yes, I went one more step and sewed in some pink earlobes.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know. I have too much time on my hands. 

Materials = a slice of old pizza, rat ears (I made mine but you can buy here)
Cost = $8 for the ears if you don't make them yourself (not including the pizza)
Level of hatred JB feels toward wearing it = 3 (it goes down to a 1 when you factor in that she wolfed down a piece of pizza; once the pizza was gone it went up to a 4 as you can see from the bottom right photo.)

Martini. Of all the costumes I tried, this one was the most expensive to make. Although by expensive, I mean it cost me more than $0.

Basically the only effort here is buying the materials and making the olives. I found green 3" green Styrofoam balls (I think they are for flower arranging) on Amazon. If you have a bigger dog, you may need 4-6" size balls. 

To make the olives, cut out three round pieces of red card stock or fabric and glue or pin to the top of each Styrofoam ball. Spear the three "olives" together using some kind of skewer or stick (I had really long metal BBQ skewers, but you could also use wooden skewers too). Put the dog collar on your dog then balance the stick of olives inside the "drink," put a cocktail shaker and bottle of vodka in front of him/her and voila! Straight up vodka martini with three olives!

Materials = large clear dog cone collar (buy hereprice depends on size of your dog's neck), 3 green Styrofoam balls (buy here), red fabric/paper, some sort of stick, a cocktail shaker and bottle of vodka (for the picture)
Cost = $18 ($12 for the cone; $6 for the Styrofoam balls)
Level of hatred JB feels toward wearing it = 3 

The moral of the story here is that if you want to be a little crafty, you can come up with a creative, homemade costume for your dog for less than $20 (in some cases less than $10). For me personally, because of all the stuff I already had on hand, the total amount I spent on Amazon for all five of the costumes was just $21.

Of course, if you are aiming for just cuteness and wearabilty above all else, a store bought costume is always a hit too. Not much can compare to Jessie Belle as a lobster:

Jessie11.JPG

Happy Halloween boys and girls! Special thanks to Jessie Belle for putting up with all of the above. I'll sleep with one eye open.

 

"Sexy" Halloween costumes have gone too far: 2015 Candidates

It's that time of year my friends! 

"Jen, do you mean it's time for apple picking, leaf peepin' and wearing cozy sweaters and our tall boots?"

NO!! I mean it's time to bust out the SEXY Halloween costumes!

Last year I put together a pretty comprehensive study (by genre) of the disturbing sexy costumes ladies have to choose from out there. (Read that post here.)

And by "have to choose from" I mean "shouldn't choose from."

Anyway, here we are in 2015 and sexy costumes are here to stay. There is even a market for sexy CHILD costumes.

Yes you heard me right.

Check out sexy Cleopatra and sexy police girl from Party City's Girls Costume collection (yes, the one that mom wrote a letter about). Then under that, a couple of homemade winners: sexy baby stripper and sexy Vivian the prostitute from "Pretty Woman" (both photos from dose.com). Mon dieu!

Are you scared? You should be. 

OK on to adults, where it really gets weird. Here are the 2015 candidates for inclusion in my "Sexy Halloween costumes have gone to far" hall of fame:

1) Sexy Donald Trump. Because who doesn't want to dress up as a gross looking old man who hates women, immigrants and poor people! Not sure what the hot pants represent here, but it's disturbing imagery.

2) Sexy Pizza Rat. Pizza Rat!! He made it big time this year. Let's celebrate his super-rat strength by sexing him up! I'll give Yandy credit on this one for having a sense of humor.

3) Sexy Cecil the Lion. This one's in bad taste, no? This is like dressing up as a murder victim; and not just dressing up, but sexualizing him or her. That wouldn't be acceptable would it? Jeesh. RIP Cecil. F&cking dentist.

4) Sexy Katniss Everdeen. OK so this one's a toss up. Katniss is - in and of herself - sexy. That bodysuit is somewhat sexy. But here's where we veer off into whore-town: just wearing the bodysuit itself with a pair of sexy boots is not dressing as Katniss. You just went into the store and picked the most form-fitting outfit you could find so you could show off your bod. Where's your quiver? Where are your boots for trekking through the forest offing dudes? Psschhhffff.

5) Sexy Minion. Another kid character gone wrong. I don't even have the energy to say any more about this, except "Put some pants on!"

There you have it. Go forth and choose your costume wisely...or you could find your face on this list next year.

Happy Halloween y'all!

 

Images from Yandy.com, partycity.com, dose.com, cosmopolitan.com and funtober.com.