Battle of the Housewives Winners | Our Picks for A Real Housewives All-Star Cast

Guys, this is a bittersweet post. This year we’ve suffered the loss of not just Lisa Vanderpump and the demotion Vicki Gunvalson but now Bethenny Frankel?? How much more can we take? Why can’t it be Nene instead??? Or Teresa? It’s just not fair. As much as Bethenny drove me nuts, she was great for the show and her Tourettes-like take downs and regular sobbing will be missed.

In lieu of this news, I’m revising our list of winners. Bethenny was the clear-cut winner for Queen Bee; so we’ll sub in the runner-up - Gizelle Bryant. Gizelle is a bit of a new player in the Housewives franchise, but has all the qualities that make her a solid Queen Bee. Here are the rest of the winners y’all selected, with a few bonus picks from me at the end. Enjoy!

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Winner: Queen Bee

Gizelle Bryant, Real Housewives of Potomac

I love Gizelle for this spot, even though she’s pretty new to the RH game. She’s obviously very beautiful and a natural leader but also shady as hell and knows how to play the game. She spills just enough tea to get the ball rolling and get all the ladies in a tizzy. A very handy skill set. Gizelle will be the captain of our All-Star ship!

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Winner: Lush

Dorinda Medley, Real Housewives of New York

She may have toned it down the last few seasons, but when she’s on, she’s ON! I don’t always understand what she’s saying but that makes it all the more captivating. CLIP!

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Winner: Glam

Erika Girardi, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Erika wrote the book on glam so it’s no surprise she prevailed in this category. The first to bring her glam squad on cast trips, Erika has a “look” for every occasion. Dorit, Melissa and Tinsley came close in this category, but Erika Jayne will always steal the show.

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Winner: Shade

Lisa Rinna, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The Queen of stirring the pot! She tries to act innocent and helpful but she’s actually a puppeteer pulling the strings in Beverly Hills. Let’s not forget who started up shit about Puppygate in the Bahamas. Yup, we have her to blame for that one.

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Winner: Crazy

LeeAnne Locken, Real Housewives of Dallas

We mean it in the best way! LeeAnne brings the excitement! She knows how to turn it up to 11 when necessary to keep things interesting. She’ll smash a glass for emphasis. She’ll dress up like you at your own party. She doesn’t need knives - she’s got HANDS. (And they work quite well.)

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Winner: Comic Relief

Sonja Morgan, Real Housewives of New York

Our beloved Sonja also tied for Battle of the Lushes but I like her in this category because she’s hysterical - whether she’s drunk or sober. No one can compare!

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Winner: Side Hustle

Kandi Burress, Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kandi is the queen of the side hustle - she produces and writes music, plays and burlesque shows, she has a sex toy line and recently opened a restaurant. Her drive and entrepreneur-ism define her and allow her to carry herself on RHOA with confidence and conviction. Don’t fuck with Kandi - she knows how to stand up for herself and hit you where it hurts.

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Winner: Newbie/Rational Voice

Denise Richards, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

A double winner! Denise has only been with us for one season on Beverly Hills but has already made a huge impact. She’s calm, cool and collected and serves as the voice of reason, but defends herself and her cast mates passionately when provoked. Definitely a great mix for a Housewife!

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Winner: Brawn

Dolores Catania, Real Housewives of New Jersey

Another one of my favorites! Dolores is beautiful and sexy for sure, but her power lies in her toughness. She’s from Jersey and she lives and breathes it. She’ll run out in traffic to defend and support her family and friends. Watch out Danielle - you’re top on her shit list.

And because I’m the boss and I can do what I want, there are a few ladies that I personally cannot live without so they get my vote as write-ins.

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Winner: BITNB Pick

Kelly Dodd, Real Housewives of Orange County

Since this is my blog I’m rounding out the list of winners to include a representative from Orange County. Kelly may not have won in her individual categories but is a franchise standout. She has that magical mix of crazy, mean, drunk, funny, shady and glamorous. And she isn’t afraid to call her cast mates the “C” word or talk shit about your kid. She’s a gem!

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Winner: BITNB Pick

Porsha Williams, Real Housewives of Atlanta

Porsha didn’t win in her category (comic relief) but she’s one of those cast members who I don’t think we can leave out. She has blossomed in the past few seasons, becoming the comic relief for Atlanta and for Bravo in general. This girl needs her own show!

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Winner: BITNB Pick

Brandi Redmond, Real Housewives of Dallas

Since we only came away with one winner from Dallas (LeeAnne) I felt the need to add one more. Brandi is another housewife who brings the full package - she’s beautiful and sweet, but can be strong and fierce when need be. She can spill the tea with the best of them too.

And we can’t forget our sub-categories: former villain and hot husband. They can come along for the ride too.

 
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Winner: Villain

Danielle Staub, Real Housewives of New Jersey

I know I voluntarily added this category but it still gives me the shivers. Danielle is arguably one of the best/biggest villains in Housewives history and certainly earned this title. She’s nasty and she’s aggressive and she oozes Jersey attitude. Watch out ladies!

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Winner: Hot Husband

Aaron Phypers, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

This was a tough category, and Aaron just barely edged out Mauricio of Beverly Hills and Juan of Potomac. What’s great about Aaron is that he’s not only hot, but he’s also kind. The way he cares about Denise’s kids is super sexy: a great addition to our All Star cast.

 

Thanks for voting! Now how do we make this happen? Andy?

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