You'd have to be living in a cave to not know that the film version of "Fifty Shades of Grey" (adapted from the novel by E L James) was released in theaters last night. I guess because it's Valentine's Day the movie industry thinks we all want to see other people banging. Well, apparently we do. The stats are already in and FSoG looks like it's going to break some records.
According to Deadline.com, the flick pulled in over $30 mil at the box office last night and is targeted to make upwards of $80 mil by the end of the weekend. Deadline is also reporting that 78% of the audience were females and that in breaking down its CinemaScore, guys rated the movie a C, with the ladies giving it a C+.
That's, um, 50 shades of shit, doncha think?
I haven't read the book. I heard it was awful from smart women whose judgment I trust. Awful storyline; awful writing, even awful grammar. I don't plan to see the movie either. It looks to me like it's perpetuating that idea that a woman should do what a man says in order to gain his approval even if what he's saying makes her uncomfortable. Um, f&ck that!
So do yourself a favor: save your $12 and check out one of these old stand-bys to get your jollies on:
Top Gun, 1986: This one works for all demographics: straights and gays; men and women. You have hot guys in uniform. Hot topless guys playing volleyball. Hot guys flying planes. Kelly McGillis giving orders. Hot guys not following orders. An "officer and a gentleman" style romance. A mixed bag of sexy.
Fatal Attraction, 1987: A classic. The official cautionary tale for cheaters. Glenn Close here is as sexy and crazy as she ever got.
Magic Mike, 2012: I definitely wouldn't classify this movie as erotic, but this part is pretty great:
Love and Other Drugs, 2010: This is essentially a chick flick, with lots of sex and some heavy duty nudity compliments of Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal (mmm...Jake).
9 1/2 Weeks, 1986: I don't know if you remember, but Mickey Rourke used to be hot shit. He was sexy, young and thin he made a bunch of naughty movies in '80s. This flick is known for its creative use of stuff in the fridge.
Black Swan, 2010: I'm not into the girl-girl thing, but for you fellas, Mila Kunis is hot stuff in this one.
The Big Easy, 1986: Another hottie from the '80s - Dennis Quaid (IMHO). If you haven't seen this movie check it out. It's a typical '80s style cop drama set in New Orleans. Ellen Barkin plays a stuffy, buttoned up prosecutor and Dennis Quaid a flirty, man-child detective. They have mad chemistry.
Unfaithful, 2002: Oliver Martinez and Diane Lane get down in this movie.
Out of Sight, 1998: This is one of my favorite movies anyway, but it's also full of electricity between J-Lo and George Clooney.
About Last Night, 1986: Another classic. Rob Lowe and Demi Moore during the peak of the Brat Pack, before Demi got her ta-tas. The second half of the movie is a downer but the beginning is hot and steamy.
Happy Valentine's Day!
P.S. Yes, I realize most of these movies are from 1986. It's just a coincidence. I wasn't some hopped up pre-teen pervert in 1986, I swear!
[All gifs from giphy.com]