In defense of the sneaky slide

Like magic, I've disappeared (GIF from reddit.com)

Like magic, I've disappeared (GIF from reddit.com)

Everyone has that one friend who is notorious for slipping out of a party or bar and heading home without telling anyone s/he's leaving. 

This is called the "sneaky slide." Around your parts you might call it a "slippy slide" or "ghosting" or an "Irish exit."

And in my circle, that friend is me.

I'm a ninja when it comes to making a seamless, unannounced exit. A fake trip to the bathroom is the easiest way to do it. Other strategies include going to the bar for a drink; going outside to make a call; or just quietly falling behind the pack never to be seen again.

GIF from Buzzfeed.com

GIF from Buzzfeed.com

According to Urban Dictionary: early versions of the sneaky slide - the term "Irish exit" - came about to describe Irish Americans who wanted to avoid the endless round of goodbyes they knew would drag out the evening. So after leaving a function (think church or sporting event) they would just slip out the side door.  This side door move became known as the "Irish exit." 

Makes sense, right?

Is it rude? That's debatable.

In my case it's usually done late in the evening when everyone is already half (or full) drunk. Who wants to have a big, loud, dramatic goodbye with a bunch of drunks? And the worst part is that drunks never want people to leave. They make a big scene, try to get you to stay, shame you for being no fun. Why subject yourself to all that, when the door is just right over there and it's so easy to walk on through it?

GIF from giphy.com

GIF from giphy.com

There are lots of reasons for sneaking out.

Perhaps you aren't as drunk as your friends and you're just over the whole night. Or on the flip side: you've been over-served and you need to get out of there before you do something stupid. Maybe you have a better party to go to or a booty call lined up. Most times it's as simple as remembering that you have leftover pizza in your fridge and it's calling you like a beacon.

Or perhaps your attendance is required at a work or family event; you get credit for showing your face, make some small talk, then "poof" - you're gone. No fuss, no muss.

GIF from gifsec.com

GIF from gifsec.com

But the reason doesn't really matter. The bottom line: you want to leave and you want to leave NOW. And you don't want anyone trying to stop you.

Sometimes the sneaky slide isn't even a conscious choice. Sometimes it's involuntary, for instance: you were so drunk you don't remember how or why or when you left a party. You just did. You can't be held responsible for that, can you?

Here's another justification: sneaking out saves everyone's time. Do your friends really want to go through the litany of goodbyes and thank yous and obligatory "No, don't go!"s every time someone wants to head home? I argue no. So really, you are saving people from awkward small talk and allowing them to continue their evening seamlessly. 

So instead of being annoyed by your sneaky sliding, Irish exiting, ghosting friends, appreciate them! It's beneficial for all involved. It's a community service really. 

I promise to text you to let you know I'm safe (an important component of sneaky sliding, especially for women).

OK now please excuse me, I have to go to the ladies room (wink wink).