Bossy's Little Instruction Book: 35 Tips for Living a Happy & Bossy Life

(Image from thinkgeek.com)

I decided to put down a few things that I believe in and I think you should too, because, well, I'm bossy and I said so. 

  1. Always. Wear. Sunscreen.
  2. Always. Use. Self-tanner.
  3. Know where you're going. Look up the directions ahead of time, even if you have a GPS.
  4. Feeling fat/ugly/generally crappy? Put on something black, slap on some extra make up and do your hair. You'll feel like a million bucks.
  5. Don't trust anyone 100%.
  6. Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but it definitely makes you feel better for a little while. Drink up!
  7. If someone is walking right towards you in your zone, don't move aside; especially if it's a man.
  8. Honk more. How else will they learn?
  9. Never pay full price.
  10. Read more. It makes you smart. 
  11. Don't decline fun plans because you have to go to the gym. 86 the gym!
  12. Don't feel guilty for taking "me" time. Even if that "me" time is "lazy sack of shit" time.
  13. Eat what you like. 
  14. Educate yourself on what's going on in the world. Vote. Make a difference, even in small ways.
  15. Buy yourself treats. But stick to shoes, jewelry or sunglasses. They'll always fit.
  16. Keep your options open.
  17. Figure out what you are good at and bad at. Do the good stuff more and find other people to take care of the bad stuff for you.
  18. Take Uber.
  19. Learn how to fix stuff on your own; but keep your eye out for a handy guy. Fixing stuff is exhausting.
  20. Always have an escape plan.
  21. Be brave, even if you have to fake it. 
  22. Say "no" more.
  23. Always carry band-aids, bobby pins and a Koozie.
  24. Be kind.
  25. When someone else is kind to you, gush over them. It's rare.
  26. Don't get hot and bothered about what people say on Facebook. It's all for show.
  27. Hold your car keys like a shiv when you walk to your car at night.
  28. Clean your dishwasher and washer machine. 
  29. Decide what you want and make a plan to get it, whether it's job, a home or a reservation.
  30. Use "FUCK" liberally. 
  31. Speak up for yourself. If you don't, no one else will.
  32. Don't buy clothes or shoes you have to dislocate a shoulder or break a sweat to get on or off.
  33. Be loyal and expect the same in return. 
  34. Learn how to use Twitter. Then harass the shit out of Donald Trump.
  35. You don't need to be bossy all the time; just don't be timid.