You're Getting Older
You try to resist it. You're still young! And spry! And sometimes even immature! But there they are: signs. Those signs that nature is taking it's course; that new things bug you; that the things you used to enjoy aren't so enjoyable any more.
Trust me, I try to resist these thoughts. I really am pretty content with being 40-plus. There are definitely things that get better the older you get (click here to read my post about that).
But there are also those things that happen that are out of your control; that happen without you even knowing when and how and how and why and how and WHAT?! and WHY?!!!
1. You say the things your parents used to say that made you roll your eyes.
Things bug you. More things than normal. Phrases come out of your mouth like "That music's way too loud!" and "When I was a kid..." and "I remember when a [blank] cost [blank]!" and you don't recognize what you've said until the words are already out there, swirling around you like an old-lady afghan.
2. You always wear sunblock.
Like real - higher than SPF15, costs more than $10 - sunblock, for the purpose of (wait for it) blocking the sun. You actually worry about what your dermatologist will think (and your skin, of course) more than you care about getting color (thank goodness for self-tanner).
3. You decline an event that doesn't have seating...or food.
In fact, you blow off a lot of events, for little to no reason. Saying no to things feels good. Going out on weeknights makes you tired. Hanging out with people you don't like makes you cranky.
4. You get upset when they remake classic movies.
Um, you got more than just nostalgic when they remade your childhood favorites like "Footloose," "Karate Kid," "About Last Night" and "Poltergeist;" you got pissed! Why would they even think to remake these beautiful movies? They're ours! Dummies.
5. Your relationship with alcohol changes.
In some ways, it gets stronger. Yes, you heard me. You realize what a blessing a stiff drink (or two or three...) can be. After a rough day, during a tough conversation, to celebrate or to just to take your mind off a worry. But you also know it can be a curse. When you do decide to enjoy the booze, your resulting hangovers are EPIC. You don't bounce back like you used to. Add in early morning wake-ups by your kids or pets and you are "never drinking again." #yeahright
6. You are forgetting stuff.
"Why'd I just walk into this room?" "Where did I leave my phone?" "Did I put deodorant on this morning?" Are these things you say to yourself on the regular? Yeah, me too. I think. I can't remember.
7. You try to work out and eat right...but you still don't lose any weight.
Your metabolism went bye-bye even before you turned 40...and it just gets worse the older you get. You used to drop 5 lbs by giving up chocolate for 3 days. Now you have to give up EVERYTHING just to maintain. (Note: I don't give up anything.)
9. You think kids these days are crazy.
You don't understand teenagers and what the hell they are thinking/acting/wearing/listening to/saying. You don't relate to being a kid like you once did. You think the girls dress inappropriately and the boys are rude, and none of them has any respect for their elders. The thought of kids today bullying each other on social media and sending dick pics scares the bejesus out of you.
10. You swap stories with your friends about your ailments.
Lately you find yourself kibitzing about things like: sore feet, bad eyes, achy backs, and the comfortable furniture and shoes that go along with all that. You also share your readers because that's what friends do.
So after writing all this I feel the need to go out all night, eat french fries and drink myself silly, just to prove I'm still young and happening. But I won't. I have an early day tomorrow and I need to watch the news, take my vitamins and rest my feet.