"Why Are You Still Single?" (I'll Tell You Why)


I've written before about the perks that come with being single (read my "Single is the new double" post here. It's fun, trust me). It's true; being single has it's advantages.

Sure, I get it: the extra closet space and freedom and eating crazy shit in private are great but let's be real -- there are definitely perks to being in a relationship as well. It would be great to have a companion, someone to go through life with, to travel with, to love; someone to help you hang curtains, fix your car and replace the batteries in the smoke alarm.

But there are other advantages of keeping your guard up and staying single. I've been in some serious relationships that went awry and the pain and misery and feels that come with all that (during AND after) just might not be worth it. 

Men are from Mars. They don't think the same as we do. They don't do the things or think the way that we think. In past relationships, I've found myself being constantly disappointed by how often they let me down. I try not to go into it with high expectations, but I do and I can't help it. And I don't feel like I need to compromise those. There's no worry about that when you're single.

When you're single, there's no one to let you down except the occasional friend or colleague. It's a nice calm, even way to go through life. 

Another bummer about being in a relationship: caring about someone makes you vulnerable, susceptible to being hurt. And being hurt sucks. Being single, I am actually happy a majority of the time. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it. 

Here's a big one: when you're single there's no chance of getting cheated on, which I'm sure everyone can agree, sucks. Dudes are selfish. And dumb. And inconsiderate.

OK so sure, maybe there are guys out there who are kind and considerate and faithful and smart (AND attractive). I just haven't met any of them yet. The ones I thought I had were wolves in sheep's clothing.

For now, life is good. I do what I want. I do what makes me happy. I have good friends. I have hobbies and interests I'm passionate about. I live in a place where there is always something social going on and it's sunny more days than not. I don't have to compromise. I'm not relying on another person. I'm not disappointed in anyone. I'm not being yelled at or criticized by anyone....well, except for my family and greater society who think that single people, esp those over 40, are freaks...

I'm happy to wait patiently for someone who can roll naturally into my life (preferably with a cute dog) and fit in to all of the above. And I don't think that person is on Tinder and I don't want to date a bunch of frogs until I find the next wolf.

What you see as sad and lonely, I see as freedom; an insulated, consistent, drama-free existence where I bring in people when I want to.

What you see as sad and lonely, I see as empowering.

What you see as avoidance and being scared, I see as self-preservation. A suit of armor. I have to protect myself in all kinds of ways - this is just one of them.

Sure, am I procrastinating a little? Avoiding putting myself out there? Letting fear win?

Maybe. But these are a big list of reasons why that might not be such a bad thing.