Things that scare the bejesus out of me

Happy Halloween kids! 

To celebrate the spookiest day of the year, I thought I'd share some things that scare me. Like really scare me. And I'm not talking about Jason or Freddy or Dracula or clowns. OK maybe I do mean clowns. But anyway, I mean the real things we deal with every day that scare us to the core.

Things like this:

My credit card balance. 

Drinking from a glass in your hotel room and THEN remembering that Dateline undercover special about how they clean the glasses.

Having a hangover headache so bad that you know you've done permanent damage.

I think she needs help (Photo from

I think she needs help (Photo from

Miley Cyrus. 

A child with chocolate on its hands (that better be chocolate).

The drivers in (insert any town here) and my associated road rage. 

The thought of getting a bikini wax.

This is disgusting (photo from huffpo)

This is disgusting (photo from huffpo)

Birds, especially pigeons. Those fuckers are just waiting for us to drop so they can eat our brains. They can smell fear. 

Going to the movies and seeing a dude with a backpack on.

When my favorite jeans get too tight. Because the real question is: who is coming into my home and washing my jeans and shrinking them in the dryer? That's gotta be why, right? RIGHT?!?

When you see what you really hope is a homeless person that could possibly be a zombie walking down your street

Having bath salts in the house. Why do I feel the urge to snort them, just to see what will happen? I legitimately worry about my lack of self control.

Yikes (Photo from

Yikes (Photo from

When you turn around and see a cat staring at you intensely. At that moment, you can legitimately feel in your bones that that thing wants to kill you.

The fact that I cannot figure out how to take a photo without some sort of a double chin. 

The dreams I have been having lately. You'll read more about this when I write one of them into a screenplay that makes the big screen and scares the bejesus out of you too.


What scares you? (Don't say me.)