Happy Halloween kids!
To celebrate the spookiest day of the year, I thought I'd share some things that scare me. Like really scare me. And I'm not talking about Jason or Freddy or Dracula or clowns. OK maybe I do mean clowns. But anyway, I mean the real things we deal with every day that scare us to the core.
Things like this:
My credit card balance.
Drinking from a glass in your hotel room and THEN remembering that Dateline undercover special about how they clean the glasses.
Having a hangover headache so bad that you know you've done permanent damage.
A child with chocolate on its hands (that better be chocolate).
The drivers in (insert any town here) and my associated road rage.
The thought of getting a bikini wax.
Birds, especially pigeons. Those fuckers are just waiting for us to drop so they can eat our brains. They can smell fear.
Going to the movies and seeing a dude with a backpack on.
When my favorite jeans get too tight. Because the real question is: who is coming into my home and washing my jeans and shrinking them in the dryer? That's gotta be why, right? RIGHT?!?
When you see what you really hope is a homeless person that could possibly be a zombie walking down your street.
Having bath salts in the house. Why do I feel the urge to snort them, just to see what will happen? I legitimately worry about my lack of self control.
When you turn around and see a cat staring at you intensely. At that moment, you can legitimately feel in your bones that that thing wants to kill you.
The fact that I cannot figure out how to take a photo without some sort of a double chin.
The dreams I have been having lately. You'll read more about this when I write one of them into a screenplay that makes the big screen and scares the bejesus out of you too.
What scares you? (Don't say me.)