New Year's resolutions you can actually keep

Photo from Huffington Post

Photo from Huffington Post

I don't know about you, but I make the same resolutions every year: drink less, exercise more, stop being so poor. But are these really attainable goals? Or is this just a weird way of self-sabotaging over and over, year after year? I mean, none of us is ever going to be perfect (exception: George Clooney), right? Instead of saying "drink less" maybe it's just a matter of not drinking a WHOLE bottle of wine in one sitting (just an example). Maybe we just need to be more specific and have smaller, attainable goals. Or maybe it's about turning around things that are supposed to be "bad" and reinventing them.

Here are some new ways to look at what some of us may want to achieve/avoid this year:

1. Drink more. OK you guessed it: that one about the bottle of wine was about me. Drinking wine like it's water is NOT a good idea for anyone involved. It doesn't work out so great with vodka either. But seriously, alcohol messes with your sleep, your weight, your appetite, your skin.  It's best in moderation. And if moderation isn't in your vocabulary, then perhaps switching to a drink with the lowest alcohol level is the best course of action. Drink more beer! And water. Water is good too.

2. Eat more. Instead of talking about what you think you should deprive yourself of, let's talk about things you should have MORE of (more is better than less, so says that AT&T kid). Things like greens. And protein. And avocados. And nuts. And salsa. Superfoods! If you eat more good stuff, eventually you'll eat less bad stuff. Or at least keep it to the weekends. But either way, you'll be healthier.

3. Do less cardio. I've always believed in the idea that to get in shape you have to do an hour of cardio every single day that is so torturous and boring it will make you want to cry. You will be miserable and tired but the lbs will melt off along with all your past failure and mistakes. No wonder we all fail at keeping this resolution! But I'm here to tell you there's somewhat of an update to that one. Cardio has it's place -- all that heart rate stuff yadda yadda yadda -- but the most important thing you can do is build muscle and strength. Muscle burns fat, makes you stronger and leaner, gives you better balance and coordination etc etc.  Trust me: after a summer of adding running to my repertoire and losing NO weight whatsoever I believe this more than ever. So go rock some weights and keep the cardio for the warm up.

4. Give people a piece of your mind more. Screw being nicer; be more honest! Get out your opinions and frustrations when you have them. Don't harbor them. Don't dwell. Address things and move on. It's good for your complexion. Bossy is the new black, after all.

5. Spend more. OK this one is a stretch. For me personally, I need to be more deliberate about saving just for savings sake. But for you more responsible spenders out there, spend more on things that matter. Spend less on stuff you do over and over that doesn't mean shit, like dinners out, clothes and other crap you don't need. Save your $ and spend it on taking an exotic getaway or a trip somewhere you've always dreamed of going. Spend on a dream project or business you have always wanted to start. Or if you are into cars, get the car you've always wanted. Or have more kids. Whatever you're into. Like I said, I am not good at this, but I am going to make an effort to diversify my portfolio, so to speak.

6. Sleep around more. Some of you out there might not need this advice. Perhaps you are already whoring around like a tomcat. In that case, do the opposite. Or perhaps you are married and should not, I repeat, NOT, listen to a word I say! But for me -- and I suspect a lot of other perpetually single folks -- we need to get out there more; be less picky; have more fun; get busy more. Carpe diem.

7. Be selfish. This is a big one. Do more stuff for yourself. Whether it's getting alone time, declining a party you don't want to go to or avoiding someone who drives you nuts. Say "no" more. Just do it. Pretend you're a man and do what you want, when you want to! (No offense men. You are lucky you don't think twice about looking out for number one.)

There you have it. I've just sanctioned you all to go into the new year as drunken, well-fed, selfish whores! You are welcome.