Get ready folks: It's that time of year again. We are less than two weeks from Thanksgiving and the beginning of the HOLIDAY SEASON. Once the turkey is put to bed the craziness begins.
I have a love-hate relationship with the Christmas season. There are so many things that I love about it: the food, the smells, the music, the twinkly lights, the festive party drinks, getting together with friends and family, the spirit of giving. But there are those annoyances that, every year, threaten to suck the life right out of it. Let's talk about them so we can move on and celebrate the things that we love. (Note: since I am not religious this will be from an exclusively secular lens. If that bugs you, create your own list and put "People who don't celebrate the reason for the season" at the top.)
So without further ado, here are a few of the things that totally suck about the holiday season:
1) Holiday shoppers. Mall traffic. Black Friday. Talking about Black Friday. I can't think of anything worse than shopping during the holidays, let alone on Black Friday. If you want to torture me, blindfold me and drop me off at the mall anytime between Thanksgiving and New Year's (seriously. I don't like the mall on a regular day). People are BRUTAL. What could you possible need that would cause you to shop in the middle of the night on turkey day? I don't get it. Amazon.com all the way baby.
2) Being single. One of the charms of the holiday season is single peeps navigating the annual questions that come from gatherings of friends and family about their status. Do you have a boyfriend? Are you ever going to get married? Don't you want to have kids? It's the season of nosiness!
3) Gift giving that doesn't mean squat. I hate that for so many people gift giving is an afterthought -- or more like a "no thought at all." Put some effort in people! Don't just phone it in with a generic box of chocolates or a candle. Get something for that person based on their interests/sports team/favorite color/food/movie - WHATEVER. If you don't know anything about that person, why are you buying them a present anyway? The amount of money people waste buying crap no one wants is outrageous! If you feel obligated to get something for someone, donate in their name to a local cause or to Heifer.org. Or check out Pinterest. You can learn how to make some rockin' handmade gifts.
4) Screaming kids waiting to scream what they want at Santa. If I was Santa I would have gotten out of the toy game years ago. What's his incentive? Children are ungrateful brats! And (earmuffs) how parents see their kid's behavior and still perpetuate the Santa myth and give their kids presents they don't get a thank you for is beyond me.
5) Elf on the Shelf mania. If your kid is so bad they need not one but TWO imaginary figures to believe in to be good, you have bigger problems than what position to put your Elf in every night.
6) Food made with marshmallows. I get that there are traditions that survive through families for generations. Hey, I love that classic, goopy green bean casserole made with Cambell's Cream of Mushroom soup and crunchy fried onions. But who started this tradition of making foods with marshmallows? Foods that aren't desserts? It's not natural.
7) "Happy Holidays" haters. Christmas has turned into a political lightening rod when it comes to "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays." There are people out there who long for things to be like they were in the '50s and hate that America has become diverse and that we try to be respectful of other religions and holidays. People who I bet don't really even give a crap about Santa or Jesus, but feel the need to sound off because they feel persecuted. But anyway, one of the worst things about the holiday season is the anger and fighting that bubbles up when these grinches hear "Happy Holidays." Does that behavior even represent the "Christmas" season/spirit that they are so feverishly defending? F&ck no. Talk about ruining the holidays for everyone. Good grief Charlie Brown.
Disagree? Are there other things about the Christmas season that drive you crazy? Do you think I'm crazy? Tell me!
Happy Holidays! Cheers to spiked egg nog, "A Charlie Brown Christmas," the smell of pine trees, people being good to one another and twinkly lights that make you look 5 years younger!