Don't call it a mid-life crisis: my bucket list so far


A "bucket list" is defined as a list of "things you want to do or accomplish before you die."  Urban Dictionary also has it noted as a "fuck it list" or a "mid life crisis" (boo!).

No matter what you call it, the bucket list is a place to jot down some things you want to knock out before your time's up and I think it's a great idea to remind us that life is short (YOLO!) and you gotta get to it because you could get hit by a taxi tomorrow.

If you hate the term "bucket list," it's probably because of the stupid 2007 movie of the same name with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson (oh Jack and Morgan, why?). Don't hold that against the premise of the bucket list though.  This is supposed to be fun (YOLO!)!  Here we go:


1.  If someone opens up their car door into traffic as I'm driving down the street, plow right into it with my car and rip it off it's hinges.  For reference, I think this may have happened in Planes, Trains and Automobiles or a Vacation movie.  It looks extraordinarily satisfying.

2.  Punch someone in the face; someone who really deserves it.

3.  Attend cooking school in Tuscany and have an affair with a sexy Italian man who barely speaks English.

4.  Own a motorcycle, or even just a Vespa. 

5.  Ride a horse through the waves on a beach in the Caribbean. I will also make sure my hair is long so it flows out behind me like Cheryl Tiegs.

6.  Sing in a band. This one will be tough. I would be OK with singing back up.

7.  Don't tell one lie for a full week.  No fibs either.

8.  Jump from a moving car.  

9.  Give a speech in public without anxiety and be super funny and spontaneous and make people laugh.

10.  March on Washington for something.

11.  Start a food fight.

12.  Hug a tiger cub.

13.  Take a bath in an old fashioned claw footed tub while a hot dude who looks like Tim Riggins washes my hair.

14.  Ride into the Grand Canyon on a mule. Ride OUT of the Grand Canyon in a helicopter.

15.  Visit Australia and eat their delicious meat pies.

16.  Kick ass in a spelling bee.

17.  Drink tequila at Cabo Wabo with Sammy Hagar then jump off a cliff in Cabo.

18.  Participate in a flash mob.

19.  Punch a shark in the nose, even if it's not attacking me, just to send a "fuck you" to the whole species.

20.  Start a farm for all the dogs that no one wants to adopt and let them roam around free and happy.

21.  Tour Europe (all of it!) via train.

22.  Get in really great shape, even if it's only temporary.

23.  During that time, go to a nude beach, preferably in the south of France or somewhere else with pretty naked people.

23.  Date a fire fighter.

23.  Make whoopie on a fire truck.

24.  Stay in one of those ocean huts in Tahiti or Bora Bora and have a butler who brings me breakfast in a canoe every day.

25.  Find a way to cook, take pictures or write for a living -- or all of the above.

26.  Quit a job in a fantastical manner.

27.  Rent a private plane and fly all my friends to Vegas for the night.

28.  Make it to the A level of my tennis league.  Alright, B would be fine too.

29.  Run a 5K even though I hate running. 

30.  Finally learn how to do the Electric Slide.

31.  Get a P.I.'s license.

32.  Live in California.  Set up P.I. practice.

Oh man, that was fun.  To be continued...