Single is the new double
As I think I've mentioned before, I am single. Been single for a while now. And I like being single. Seriously. I've been through my share of dramatic, traumatic relationships that have left their mark and it has definitely made me appreciate and feel very comfortable with the freedom and status quo of being on my own. So I decided to jot down a list of what makes being single great. Then I took a quick poll of some other single people (both male and female) and found that we were all saying some of the same things (I ignored anything related to poop/pee/farting. You're welcome.). I've put it all together into an unofficial listing of the top 10 reasons being single really is the bee's knees. As Monty Python said, "always look on the bright side of life."
And -- please note -- this is no offense to married folks; finding a kind, funny and respectful mate to share your life with really is the goal for most normal people. But until that person comes along, there are plenty of perks that come with your single status, such as:
10. All the closets are YOURS! Fill 'em up! Sharing is for suckers.
9. Tinder. OK that was a trick. Tinder is scary. But the fact that there are apps like Tinder out there for us single folks is pretty cool. It's like online shopping for a date and everyone's 100% off. Granted, it's like shopping at a store filled with crazy stuff (like Spencer Gifts, perhaps), but still, shopping is fun! Right?! (Are y'all with me? We just started!)
8. Quality control over the DVR/TV/remote. This is trivial but important, especially the longer you get set in your ways. Whether you like a tidy DVR or if you save everything under the sun -- it's fabulous to have control over your TV without the threat of someone else putting their paws on it and messing it up. It's also great to be able to freely record/watch those potentially sketchy/embarrassing/not-up-to-one's-usual-standard programs without judgment.
7. Let's say your parents forget to get you your annual birthday cookie cake. And you were so bummed out, you went out and bought one for yourself and had it engraved (engraved? customized?) with a Happy Birthday message. (I know this sounds sad so far but stay with me.) The great thing about being single in this situation is that you can take said cookie cake home and proceed to eat the entire thing yourself for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner without anyone there to judge you or tell you how unhealthy it is. You can eat it all in one day...or spread it out over four days. Your choice! [Editor's Note: this story is NOT about me. I've never had a cookie cake in my life.]
6. Having your whole bed to yourself and sleeping like this:
Unless you have a dog, in which case it's more like this:
5. Peace and quiet when you get home from work/errands/working out. Personally, I value alone time after work very much to transition back from a crappy attitude to a ........... OK I always have a crappy attitude, but I can hide it better if I have some ME time after work to cover the Hulk back up with some clothes (so to speak).
4. Random make outs. Immature crushes. Flirtatious texting with some cute guy/girl you just met (yes, it's now just texting. No one calls, EVER.). It's still fun to get butterflies for someone or something new, isn't it?
3. Being responsible for one's own stuff and being able to leave said stuff Wherever. The. F@#k. You. Want. When you're in a relationship you either have to be the one who sets a good example and puts stuff where it belongs or leave it around and get yelled at for it. It's a no-win situation. You can eat your dinner and put the dishes on the counter or in the sink FOR DAYS and no one is the wiser.
2. Only having to deal with your own crazy family and not someone else's. And you get to control (for the most part) when you see them. Trust me, this is a big one.
1. FREEDOM. Andy DuFresne, I just chipped a hole through a wall with a rock pick to crawl through a sewer, freedom. I didn't kill my wife and I'm going to prove the one armed man did it to get my freedom back, freedom. You can take my life but you'll never take my freedom, freedom. Do what you want, when you want, without running it by anyone but your judgmental and disapproving pet(s). When they say the grass is always greener on the other side, I'm sure this is the green grass married people long for.