The Bachelor 21, Episode 1 & 2 Recap: We Need to Talk

And we're off! (photo from popcrush.com)

And we're off! (photo from popcrush.com)

I am very tardy to this party. I watched episode 1 and it just made me TIRED. It didn't make me laugh or inspire me to recap. Eek. What's happening to me? 

This batch of girls - IDK - they are so .........

Young.

And our new Bachelor - IDK - is so ........

Familiar

Is that bad? IDK.

All I know is that this season already feels a bit - redundant. Obviously this is Nick's 4th turn in this franchise. But it's also the girls, the set up, the villains - it's the same shit, different season.

Let's best and worst the first two episodes and then see what happens.

THE BEST

1. Vanessa, Rachel and Danielle M. 
I don't know if any of these girls are Nick's type or if they have a chance at getting his full attention, but just the fact that they are there makes me happy. In addition to being beautiful, they are all classy (as classy as they can be for going on this show), mature and seem to have their heads screwed on straight. Watching girls like this navigate through this show is why I - and I'm sure others - continue to watch. 

2. Nick
I will give Nick a lot of credit for having the balls to put himself out there AGAIN to try to find (reciprocated) love on TV. I like how he's navigating himself so far (with one exception*). I like how he references how abnormal this show is and how group dates are awkward and strange and that he tells the women he wants them to be empowered and authentic. He's breaking through the bullshit a little bit and I like that. 

PHoto from ew.com

PHoto from ew.com

3. Alexis the Dolphin Shark
This girl. This girl is real. I love her. From her Jersey accent to her crass jokes to her celebrating her "boob birthday" -  she is one of the best things about this show so far. I don't think she's the one for Nick, but I hope she sticks around a while to make us all laugh. 

4. The Museum of Broken Relationships date
Now this was fun/funny and very tongue in cheek. Nick has a good sense of humor about his plight (self-inflicted or not) and the girls dumping him in front of a live audience was cute and silly like a "first" date should be (until Liz's turn, that is. More on her below).

THE WORST

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1. Corinne* (duh)
Can I put this little monster on here twice? I loathe every bit of this girl and her "storyline." I almost don't even want to waste any characters on her. Have some respect for yourself girl. Oh wait, she's a spoiled brat who has a nanny and her daddy has probably given her everything she's ever wanted, including his company. Sounds like a little Trump-ette in the making. Ick. Keep your top on honey. 

2. Nick
Nick goes on the naughty list for falling for this harlot's schtick. Sure he's a horny bastard, but really? Compared to Andi and Kaitlyn and even Jennifer - he's big time slumming it with Corinne. I hope he feels as gross as we all do after watching himself with her. And stop allowing her to interrupt all the other girls' time with you!! Nick knows as well as anyone that he can make his own rules. I thought he was about empowering everyone? Everyone means everyone. Use your brain and your heart not your penis Nick.

This is the worst (photo from glamour.com)

This is the worst (photo from glamour.com)

3. That GD bride/bridesmaid date
OK yes, this show is centered around getting married. I know this. I don't like it, but I know it and I accept it (sorta). But a bride/bridesmaid date? Could that be any cheesier? I can think of so many other dates that would have better suited Nick. He's a little alternative, a little edgy. I can't believe he would have put his stamp of approval on that shit. I put this date up there with the Chris Soules date that had 15 women walking through L.A. in their bikinis. Gross. 

4. Charrison (that's my abbreviated version of Chris Harrison)
Can we have one freakin' season where Charrison acts real? I would have loved it if he - after Liz showed up and stumped Nick - would have said "Surprise! We threw you a curve ball on that one huh? What are you going to do about it?" instead of pretending he had NO IDEA who she was and that this wasn't all very carefully planned out. Which leads me to....

5. ...Liz (she gets her own mention)
Girl, what were you thinking? They manipulated you - through and through. Her coy "I plead the fifth" went out the window pretty quick when she emerged from the limo and the "we had sex" sound bite came out about 4 times (not once seen coming out of her own mouth, might I add). Why would she agree to all this? And if she did agree to all this, why wouldn't she get her story straight? Either you busted your ass getting on the show because you realized you were wrong about Nick or you didn't. Just own it! Did anyone else want to shake her that first night when she told Nick "I didn't want you to think I came here because you were The Bachelor." Huh? Isn't that exactly why you're there? And that speech during the break up date? Oy vey. Good riddance Liz. You had your chance and you blew it. 

6. No rose ceremony
I'm all for switching things up, but them not giving us a rose ceremony is just a dirty trick. Dislike.

Front Runners

I have no clue what Nick is really looking for but just based on my own preferences, and who Nick has given the googly eyes to so far (minus Corinne), my picks for top four are:

1. Rachel - received the FIR (first impression rose); smart, classy, accomplished; caught Nick's eye right from the start

2. Vanessa - this girl is the full package. I think she is the one most suited for Nick, I just don't think he knows it yet.

3. Danielle M - I'm putting her on this list somewhat reluctantly. So far she seems a little vanilla and I'm not sure if she's exciting or edgy enough for Nick. But she's beautiful, sweet and poised and she deserves to stay on this list until further notice. 

4. This is a tough one. Danielle L is super hot and was the first out of the limos - that usually means something.  I sorta liked Jaimi more after last night (aside from the "balls" in her nose) and she's got the right kind of edge and sass that Nick likes (and she's sexually well-rounded). I kind of like Sarah (the bubbly teacher who jogged up the driveway as her entrance). And Hailey the no-underwear girl seems a little spicy too. Spot 4 is still TBD in my humble opinion. 

I'll try to have a better attitude next week.

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