Well, it's finally over. Raise your glass if you are as happy as I am that this season is DONE.
Sometimes a season of The Bachelor/ette just works -- it's dramatic, romantic, suspenseful -- and makes great TV. Whether that is a result of a great lead or a great group of contestants or great dates or some combination of each component.
This season brought us a really great lead -- JoJo really was the full package (besides maybe her taste in men) -- but for some reason, whether it was the weird group of guys, the fact that she fell hard for Jordan on night one, or ABC pushed too much faux drama at us, it just didn't work to make great TV.
So it's over and I'm happy about that. I wasn't rooting for either of the guys in the end so that makes it hard to care.
Date 1 - Jordan
Jordan is first to meet JoJo's family and it was all so uneventful I am not going to spend much time on it. The brothers were behaved; the sister was mute; the mom didn't chug champagne; the dad was wallpaper.
The biggest thing that happened was JoJo's mom making Jordan promise not to break her heart. Was it just me or did Jordan hesitate for a second too long in answering?? Yikes.
The real good stuff came on Jordan and JoJo's last 1-on-1 time together after meeting the parents. JoJo was shocked to find out that Jordan did NOT ask for her dad's permission to propose marriage to her. And apparently this is a BIG DEAL. Such a big deal that she harassed him about so much he called the parents toward the end of the episode to tie up loose ends.
I'm not a huge Jordan fan, but I understood why he was reluctant to ask the parents. He seemed to be rebelling against the idea of proposing to a girl who hasn't even said "I love you" to him yet. That's fair. But not to JoJo. She is playing this game by the book and if ABC says you get engaged, damn it, she's getting engaged!
Date 2 - Robby
Robby comes in hot to meet the parents, saying all the right things, spreading flowers and "I love yous" around like he was at Woodstock.
I'm seriously starting to think Robby read "How to Win The Bachelorette for Dummies" before coming on the show and followed all of the sample scripts it gave him.
It comes to no one's surprise that the family thinks Robby's the full package and Jordan is more of an attention-whore, player-player. I don't necessarily agree with that assessment - I think they both suck - but I guess they can only go with what they see in that one hour meet-and-greet.
After both dates, JoJo gets the lowdown from her parents and is shocked to hear they are skeptical about Jordan. This solidifies to anyone with any functioning brain cells left after all the wine we've drunk this season that Jordan is her choice and she's upset that her family didn't validate that.
For his nighttime date, we get to hear Robby drone on and on YET AGAIN about how much he loves Jo/JoJo/Joelle and about how he was the first to say it. This guy's a one trick pony. Ick.
Prior to the big reveal, both guys pick rings and write JoJo love letters.
Jordan's letter is on a nice card in an envelope; Robby's is on a piece of lined paper torn out of a notebook a la Nick Viall of Season 10. Just based on stationary we have to go with Jordan.
This is how JoJo spends the rest of her afternoon:
Oy vey. Let's get this over with.
After a lot of swapped footage of feet (no socks, then socks! Shoes, then no shoes!) we get to the main event. First one out of the limo is...
Robby. Bad sign dude.
We all know what happens from there.
After the Final Rose
I gotta say - this ATFR was WEIRD. It was awkward, tense, boring, quiet and uneventful. JoJo -- who we have learned many times throughout this season has no poker face, looked totally unhappy. Jordan was jabbering on to fill the void. Charrison desperately threw it to Ben and Lauren and got a bunch of nothing out of them either. AWKWARD.
There are rumors of trouble with Jordan and JoJo already. The gossip about his ex; the relationship with his brother Aaron; the fact that JoJo doesn't trust him. It's a mess.
This show really is a waste of time. Why don't any of us ever learn?
That's a question for another day.
On to Bachelor in Paradise!