The Bachelorette 12, Episodes 3 & 4: We're not out of the Chads just yet

Photo from eonline.com

Photo from eonline.com

Who out there is O-V-E-R this Chad situation? Raise your hands.

Photo from freerepublic.com

Photo from freerepublic.com

That's what I thought.

The jig is up. It's no secret Chad is a douche canoe; ABC is probably paying him; and all the producers are encouraging his behavior and egging on the other guys. We get it. He's this season's "villain" and they think we love it. 

Well, you know what ABC - we don't.

I am actually quite amused by the OTHER 15 guys in the house. Most of them are sweet, and funny, and HOT. And I am actually interested to see JoJo find "love." Or at least someone she likes enough to pick for a couple months of fun. 

And no, I'm not amused by violence - or the threats of violence. I actually find it quite alarming that ABC and its producers are putting their contestants in dangerous situations. This franchise is becoming more and more like "UnREAL" every season.

But alas, it does not yet seem to be over. We have at least one more altercation to go before we see the last of door-punching, sweet potato eating, tantrum-throwing, bully Chad.

Moving on. So this week we had two episodes to digest (it looks like they are taking next week off) so I'm going to be brief while still getting all the important stuff in. Here's the outline of what happened:

  • 1-on-1 date: Chase - hot yoga and angergasms
  • Group date: 12 guys telling their sex stories
  • 1-on-1 date: James Taylor - swing dancing and making out in the moonlight
  • Pool party in lieu of cocktail party - always smart
  • Rose Ceremony
  • Travel to bumfuck Pennsylvania
  • 1-on-1 date: Luke - a woodsy hot tub and the good ole "makin' out in front of a band" move
  • Group date: 8 guys leaving it all on the (football) field, including part of JTs eye, ED's nose and Derek's leg
  • 2-on-1 date: Chad and Alex - battle royale in the deep, dark woods

Let's go over the highs and lows of the two episodes:

Photo from twitter.com/bacheloretteabc

Photo from twitter.com/bacheloretteabc

Highs

  • Seeing Charrison cleaning up the toilet paper mess in the driveway. He's earning that big paycheck!
  • I think we can all agree that Chase came out of nowhere to be a contender. Great body - Check! Sexy tattoo - Check! Sweet disposition - Check! Steamy kiss - Check! JoJo (and the rest of us) were impressed. 
  • The part of the sex talk group date where some guys were truly making fun of themselves and having a good time with it before the wheels came off. JoJo's take on sexuality - that you should be able to talk about sex in a relationship - is very mature. 
  • James Taylor's date was sweet. However if you thought a guy with his singing skills would have some rhythm, you thought wrong. But he couldn't be a more positive, fun-loving guy to be with, that's for sure. He made the most of his time with JoJo even though he wasn't good at said skill. (A page right out of the ole Wells playbook.) His story about being bullied as a kid and being insecure about himself today was an example of him really sharing a piece of him with JoJo and it was very refreshing. I've had enough of the serenades for now though.
  • I don't like bullies and I don't like violence, but some of the stuff Chad does is so bizarre it's funny. His workouts with Daniel? Chomping on a raw sweet potato? "Life ain't all blueberries and paper airplanes?"
  • This:
  • JoJo. Just in general, she is articulate, mature, communicative and kind and it all seems authentic and not ABC feeding her lines. I also liked that she confronted The Chad not once but twice in the face of his bad behavior and told him he was disrespectful. I just wish she had told ABC to buzz off when they told her she had to keep him through one more rose ceremony. 
  • Plus there was this:
  • Luke. Luke's date was somewhat boring (except for the part where he took his clothes off! I learned last night from my watch party that those pointy areas of his pelvis that are super-defined are called "penis pointers" cus they like, point right to his penis. I love learning!), but it did establish that they are way into each other. It also established that Luke is broody for a reason - he lost friends in Afghanistan. He's deep and emotional. Boring? Perhaps.
  • James Taylor's outtake at the end of episode 3 with the moth. He is a goof, but so endearing.

Lows

  • ED (Evan). For all the bad behavior The Chad is showing, Evan's isn't that much better. Evan is instigating battles, being passive aggressive (that monologue about steroids? So passive aggressive. And then he denied the reason for doing it!) and intentionally antagonizing Chad. I'm sure his producer is putting him up to it - but it's still annoying. And that headband! 
  • A pool party instead of a cocktail party? Right after a quasi-violent incident on a group date? Does that seem wise? 
  • JoJo stripping off her top at said pool party. These guys are all horned up already; that seemed a little gratuitous.
  • They really got screwed for their first trip. Pittsburgh? The woods? Playing football with an alleged rapist? Lame.
  • I was bummed to see Ali, Christian and Nick go home. I really question who is making the decisions there. The fact that she kept Chad and Daniel makes that a suspect move.
  • I hate 2-on-1 dates, but could there be one more predictable than Alex vs. Chad? It played out exactly as expected. I don't think there was any question she was finally going to have to send Chad packing; the only question for me was - is she going to send Alex home too? Not sure I see a connection between them and all they've talked about together so far is The Chad.
  • Another cliffhanger. Boo. Get rid of that dickhead already!

They are so happy. For now.