The Bachelorette 11, episode 9: and then there were three

Photo from Twitter/ABC

Photo from Twitter/ABC

I hate to beat a dead horse but I need to point out - AGAIN - that ABC's promos are shady and are all a bunch of lies. 

And I fall for it every time...

Back in Kilarney, we still need to whittle this group down from five to three, and those three will get overnight dates in the "Fantasy Suite." As you'll recall, we ended last week with Cupcake losing his shit on the side of a cliff as he was 86'ed from the running.

I'm going to recap this in warp speed since a) it's already Thursday and I haven't posted anything yet; and 2) this episode felt really long but I'm not sure we learned much.

Photo from twitter/abc

Photo from twitter/abc

Can I just give you my random thoughts? (Oh and every time Shawn refers to Nick as "the other guy" or "that other guy" you must drink.):

  • One-on-one date with Ben H Brady is largely uneventful, aside from two things: First, Ben finally admits that his biggest fear is that he is "unloveable." Apparently he loved his last girlfriend a whole bunch and is not so sure she loved him back. Oh sweet Ben -- I'm here to tell you: you are bananas. You are probably the most lovable bloke who's ever been on this sorry show. Call me!!
  • Second: Ben tells Kaitlyn if he gets a fantasy suite date with her he wants to spend their whole night talking and getting to know each other better. Kaitlyn sees this as a red flag and immediately asks Ben if he's a virgin. A virgin!! OK I get it, Kaitlyn is a physical, sexual girl. She thinks it's strange that dudes don't want to jump her bones right away; she doesn't recognize "taking things slow" as a positive. But to me, this is a huge sign of how mature Ben is. 
  • Anyway, Kaitlyn and Ben profess they are "falling in love" with each other. Hmm...why doesn't she tell Ben about Nick? Because she's not going to pick him...
  • ...and I find myself pleading with Kaitlyn to please pick Ben over the drama that I shall now refer to as "Nickshaw." (Sounds ominous doesn't it??)
  • Next date is with Kentucky Joe and Nickshaw (hehe!). Guess who's the first to go? That's right, good ole Kentucky Joe. And he's not pleased. In fact, he's cold, dismissive and angry. Talk about true colors. Yikes. He could learn a thing or two from Jared on how to make a mature exit, that's for sure.
  • When Kaitlyn gets time with Shawn she seems ready to drop the sex bomb on him until....Nick shows up. Foiled! So she spends time with Nick and then tells Nickshaw there will be no rose - she needs more time with The "shaw" part.
  • Nick goes back to the hotel and has a case of the verbal diarrhea all over poor Ben Brady and Jared. He's incessantly talking about what happened, where he stands and how great his and Kaitlyn's relationship is. Ben and Jared are too nice (and mature?) to give Nick the slap in the face that he deserves for being so narcissistic and callous. 
  • On to the one-on-one time with Shawn Gosling and finally the BIG REVEAL. Now, I've thought a bit about this situation and it seems to me that Kaitlyn would keep this info about her sexy time with Nick to herself if Shawn wasn't her first choice for the final rose. Think about it: she's dropping a horrible bomb on this guy; it's making her uncomfortable, it's making him uncomfortable. If she's not going to pick him in the end, why do it? She's trying to salvage their relationship because she knows he's going to find out once he watches the show back. Unfortunately, based on Shawn's jealous, childish behavior up to this point, I wouldn't be surprised that all of the rest of the show will push him over the edge anyway. Her canoodling with Nick is pretty hardcore - regardless of the sex. Her worry of coming out of this thing alone is not an unrealistic hypothesis. 
Photo from ew.com

Photo from ew.com

  • Shawn's first reaction to the news (besides the homicidal thoughts most definitely going through his head) is to ask her "Do you regret it?" I don't understand why she doesn't just say "yes" to this, but she doesn't. She says she regretted what it might do to her and Shawn's relationship. Shawn takes a time out to go to the Gents room and I suspect, talk to his producer. He comes back calm and says he doesn't like the idea of her giving her flower (in more ways than one) to that "other guy" (DRINK!) but he's there for her and he's not going to let her go. Did they shoot him with a tranquilizer?
  • Rose Ceremony: roses go to Ben H Brady (yay!), Nick and Shawn, who - after some fabricated hemming and hawing - decides to accept. That leaves poor mange-y Jared out. However, like I said before, he goes out with some serious dignity and grace. He just wants Kaitlyn to be happy, even if it's not with him. I give this guy a ton of credit for exhibiting some VERY mature behavior in a VERY unconventional and awkward situation. 
Photo from realitysteve.com (no I did not peek at spoilers)

Photo from realitysteve.com (no I did not peek at spoilers)

  • There is an insinuation by Nick that some time goes by before his overnight date with her. Not sure how long that span is, since the flow of this show is completely off kilter. But anyway they meet up in Cork for their date, which goes a lot like their last: a church, a bar and the horizontal mambo. This time however, since it's sanctioned booty time, they get room service! It's all above board now.
  • But wait! There's more! Shawn finds out what room Nick is in (he learned that trick from you Nick) and barges into Nick's room (hut?) to tell him right the fuck off. What is the point of this? We don't know because it is "to be continued" once again.
  • Here are our final three, kids:
Photo from inquisitr.com

Photo from inquisitr.com

  • Is it just me or is this scenario the exact same as Andi's season? A sweet, adorable guy - who we all know she won't pick; a studly, jealous guy - who she probably will pick; and Nick. Deja vu all over again.