The Bachelorette 11, episode 10: mano a mano

Guess which one goes home? (Photo from Twitter/ABC)

Guess which one goes home? (Photo from Twitter/ABC)

I've been watching this show for a long time. A loooong time. And I've always kind of wished they would loosen up a bit and show us more of the real stuff, to break the pattern and make it more natural.

Well, this season we got way more than we bargained for. Sometimes too much of a good thing is...a bad thing.

There are no rules, there is no discernible format. This week we had two fantasy suite dates, a mid-episode Rose Ceremony and two "hometown" dates. They checked off a lot of boxes (fantasy suite and walk of shame? Check! Sad Bachelorette at Rose Ceremony? Check! Meet the parents? Check!) but did we really learn anything new?

Yawn.

And yes, I will readily admit that Kaitlyn's date with Ben Brady was also a snoozer, but like I've said before, the uneventful dates usually mean that the person is mature and has no need for drama -- which doesn't exactly make for great TV but would probably make him a good life partner. So it goes without saying I was really disappointed she sent Ben home. She sent him home and then complained about having two guys left who hate each other. 

That might have been the most annoying statement of the whole season. I'm over it!

This was the only thing that perked me up: 

What does that boy put in his hair to keep it intact, yet still bouncy and supple???? I need to know!

Other observations:

  • For the life of me I can't figure out why K would waste time on her date with Shawn telling him what Nick said about him?? It would be one thing if she really wanted an explanation for that "eskimo" thing. But when he tried to explain it, she cut him off. Is she just stirring shit up? At this point in the show, the fact that these two guys hate each other is a moot point. Technically speaking, they don't need to ever see each other again.
  • Um, was Kaitlyn's red Rose Ceremony dress a bit much for anyone else? I felt uncomfortable for her and for Charrison. Her entire chest was exposed! It wasn't appropriate apparel for kicking poor Ben Brady to the mini-van.
  • Another Shawn vs Nick confrontation. Yawn. Are the producers hoping that they'll actually throw down? If not they are just regurgitating the same shit over and over: "You're not here for the right reasons!" "You are not right for her!" "You have bad intentions!" "You shave your arms!" Ugh. It's exhausting.
  • During her convo with Charrison K said Nick essentially "has it all" and that she worries about Shawn's "jealousy." I'm guessing this is creative editing to throw us off and make us think she picks Nick. But then I think, "this is creative editing to throw us off" so we should actually think the opposite of the opposite of what they tell us to think. Aaaand I just went cross-eyed.
  • Hometown dates...were in Utah. We went from Ireland to...Utah? I don't understand anything anymore. 
  • ABC deserves an Emmy for managing to make a full season out of the mess of footage they had to work with. Kaitlyn had sex with one guy and told another guy he was the "one" and shocker, both guys ended up in the final two. They could have legitimately ended this thing 4 weeks ago.
  • Every time we get down to the final two I'm brutally reminded how twisted this show really is. This girl has two guys left and she has to pretend she's in love with both of them so neither of them has any clue if they are going to be picked or sent home in a mini-van. It's mean and it's really creepy.

Wait a second, that makes me the dumby for watching doesn't it? #dontanswerthat

So we are left with a battle between Shawn Gosling and Nick 2.0. At this point, who cares what happens? They're both big babies. 

Photo from inagist.com

Photo from inagist.com

Men Tell All next week. I pray it won't be the JJ and Clint show again.