The Bachelorette 11, episode 8: drivin' and cryin'

Photo from dailymail.co.uk

Photo from dailymail.co.uk

Someone call a therapist - these people are spiraling down farther and farther as this season progresses.

This is Kaitlyn's demeanor for essentially this entire episode:

Anyway, we start the episode - yet again - where the drama from last week left off: Shawn Gosling is in Kaitlyn's room quizzing her on her feelings for him. "Do you love me?" he says right off the bat. She tells him - after reminding him that he's seriously putting her on the spot - that she is indeed falling in love with him. But she also reminds him that are nine guys left. You know why? BECAUSE THIS IS THE BACHELORETTE! 

Ugh. I'm having no patience for Gosling. Sure, she gave him reassurance that he was "the one," but that doesn't mean you can't still blow it pal. Stop sulking, stop whining, stop bugging her. Just stop. Or go home.

On the plus side, Kaitlyn is relieved for the first of many times tonight that at least he doesn't know about Nick.

2-on-1 Date

We finally get to this date, which was probably supposed to happen last week but was bumped by Shawn Gosling's sulking.

Kaitlyn takes JJ and Kentucky Joe on a boat to an island called "Ireland's Eye. They hike up to a picnic on a cliff. Right off the bat - in front of Joe - JJ articulates how much he's fallen for Kaitlyn and makes Joe toast to it. Awkward.

Joe takes the cue and asks K for some alone time so they can sit by the beach and talk. He says all the right things and articulates how he's falling in love. Ding ding ding -- bonus points for Joe for saying all the words on the cue card. She doesn't look that convinced, but you can tell she appreciates the effort. Joe is sweet, unfortunately I am not sure he's really in the running with all the other shit going on. Plus, his hair. 

Next up: JJ, who's wearing mocs with no socks, but has a North Face on and wraps up in a blanket. He's so weird.

The first thing he does is confess to Kaitlyn that he cheated on his wife three years ago and lost everything. Yikes. TMI? 

Bottom line: JJ gets the boot. Kaitlyn doesn't give Joe the rose just yet though, she wants to spend some more time with him. So the two of them sail away on the boat leaving JJ to consider his next steps -- like going on Bachelor in Paradise

Photo from twitter/abc

Photo from twitter/abc

Back in Dublin, Kaitlyn spends some quality time with Joe and they bond. She appreciates his patience and confidence.

So do we, Kaitlyn, so do we.

Back at the hotel

We see Shawn moping some more and this is when we officially hear what it was that happened that sent him into a tailspin: Kaitlyn spent off camera 1-on-1 time with him in his hotel room in San Antonio and basically told him he was the "one." 

This might be a good time to point out that this is why this show has "rules." They keep everyone safe. 

Kentucky Joe comes back and tells the guys how romantic his date was and that he is falling in love with Kaitlyn. Shawn's face turns a fiery shade of red and immediately gets up and walks away. 

Guess where he's going? 

That's right, back up to Kaitlyn's room! She's in the middle of an interview when she gets the news from a producer that he's on his way. Her reaction and eye roll are FABULOUS.

Photo from Twitter/abc

Photo from Twitter/abc

And here we go again: Kaitlyn cries, Shawn whines, they talk about the off camera time in San Antonio. She tells him she regrets giving him that kind of reassurance. He agrees. I guess he decides to stay.

This is tedious people. Is anyone else feeling the breeze from the red flags Gosling is putting up?

Rose Ceremony

Kaitlyn walks in and immediately freaks everyone out by saying this was the most stressful week for her and that she's "made some mistakes." Nick and Gosling both independently interview that they think she's talking about them. In this case, they are both right!

Sidebar: If this thing ends up down to Nick and Shawn I might root for her to choose herself a la Kelly Taylor in 90210:

Let's get to a rose ceremony for god's sake. 

But wait, we have to have more confrontations. Is anyone else drained?

First up, Ben H Brady. He pulls Kaitlyn aside to let her know he knows something happened...and this is another time where Kaitlyn looks like she's going to barf expecting to hear that he knows about Nick. But no, he means something happened between her and Shawn in San Antonio when she snuck to their room off camera; that she gave him some sort of special time or information that gave him confidence. Ben doesn't want to spin his wheels for nothing and wants to know if he should stick around. 

Once again, this is what happens when there are no rules. Everything about this show starts to fall like dominoes. But hey, I do appreciate their flexibility in letting us see all of this mess. Remember when all we got to see were staged dates and rose ceremonies?

Anyway, Kaitlyn is relieved and apologizes for her actions that night, which I'm sure feels like small potatoes comparatively speaking.

Next up is Nick. Nick wants to babble on and get reassurance that he is not the "mistake" of which she speaks. Kaitlyn, however, gets right down to business and reiterates to Nick that he needs to keep his trap shut about their naughty time.

Nick takes great offense to this and rattles off all the things he DIDN'T say to the guys (some of which you did actually say, you liar), then turns on the waterworks to show K how much he is invested. This melts Kaitlyn's heart and reminds her why she gave Nick her flower. 

We finally get to the rose ceremony, where Kaitlyn waits until the last rose to pick Shawn (psych!). It's probably that outfit Gosling. Now is not the time for statement socks and an electric blue suit.

We say goodbye to Tanner and Ben Z.

Kilarney

Photo from dailymail.co.uk

Photo from dailymail.co.uk

Next, we're moving on to Kilarney. A bus called "Paddywagon" shows up to transport the guys. (Sidebar: Isn't that a pretty derogatory name for a bus company IN IRELAND??) Then *beep beep* Kaitlyn pulls up in a mini Cooper and grabs up Jared for a private ride. Oh dear, Shawn's forehead vein is going to pop.

Jared and Kaitlyn have some fun banter while driving through the countryside, taking selfies and hitting curbs. These two seem to really enjoy each other's company and joke and flirt like normal people. It's pretty refreshing, even though I still want to slap that mange-y beard right off his face. 

Photo from twitter/abc

Photo from twitter/abc

They get to their destination -- which is Blarney Castle. Oh, no. They are going to kiss the Blarney Stone. Isn't this one of those touristy things that is horribly overrated and gives you herpes of the face? Or am I thinking of Plymouth Rock? Anyway, they kiss the stone, then kiss each other, then end up back in Kaitlyn's room (deja vu) to make out on her bed.

After the date, Kaitlyn is trying to get some alone time when she gets another knock at her door. D'oh! But this time, it's Charrison. Yay!

Photo from yahoo.com

Photo from yahoo.com

He's there to tell her they've come up with a way for her to have "overnight dates" and "alone time" with ALL the guys before she decides whose families she's going to meet. They are changing the order of things: she will whittle down the group from 6 to 3, take those 3 on overnight dates, then meet the final 2's families. 

So not only is Kaitlyn not following any rules, ABC isn't either. Is this her punishment for sneaking out and having off camera time with people? I don't know. But I actually breath a sigh of relief for the guys as I'm sure bringing this circus to meet your family is pretty traumatizing if you aren't really in the running to win the lady. At this point, ABC seems to understand we are going to have a Shawn/Nick finale and just want to get to it. 

Charrison finishes updating K then goes down to tell the boys "everything's about to change." Ha! He breaks the news about the format change and that they will be starting another round of dates. First stop: Chris Cupcake.

1-on-1 Date

Photo from twitter/abc

Photo from twitter/abc

Cupcake gets the 1-on-1 and he couldn't be happier. He and Kaitlyn soar off into a helicopter (this is how they do) over the Cliffs of Moher, which couldn't be more beautiful. It's just freakin' breathtaking.

They get dropped off with a picnic basket and a blanket and get right to it. They aren't there 5 minutes (or an edited 5 minutes I should say) before Kaitlyn is crying again. She's trying to explain how perfect on paper Chris is and how bad she feels for not wanting to be with him. He's panicky and confused, but also interviews that he doesn't think she knows what she wants and that she's a mess. Can't argue with that. 

As Kaitlyn bugs out in the chopper, Cupcake falls to his knees and sobs into his scarf as he interviews with the producer. Poor Cupcake. He never knew what hit him.

'til next week!