The Bachelorette 11, episode 4: it's all about the Benjamins

The Bens: Ben H, left, and Ben Z (Photos from abc.go.com)

The Bens: Ben H, left, and Ben Z (Photos from abc.go.com)

My friends, this may be the beginning of the end for me with this franchise.

Between the crazy way they handled selecting The Bachelorette; to this "Brokeback Bachelor" horseshit (I'll elaborate below); and the upcoming slut shaming I know is coming...

I don’t like it. 

And let me ask you this:

Would so many of these guys be showing such overt signs of aggression if ABC had empowered Kaitlyn right from the beginning - no questions, no doubts? Could some of these dudes be acting out as a response to not getting the girl of their choosing? They had control for a minute, then lost it, and now have to overexert their “manhood" to get it back?

That's how I'm feeling. I see it as yet another repercussion of ABC’s controversial decision to have two women vie for votes from the men in order to be The Bachelorette. "But we've done it before with The Bachelor," they might argue. Well, I would argue that monkeying around with men’s egos is a lot different than messing with women’s. It shouldn’t be – men should be able to control their behavior, right? But we all know they can't...and don't.

And last but not least...

I think it's seriously tasteless that ABC is showcasing the behavior JJ and Clint are displaying…and using it as part of their advertising no less. The previews leading up to this week’s episode were calling JJ and Clint’s antics: “The Brokeback Bachelor.” I am quite positive they are joking about being in love. The question is why is ABC making a big joke out of two guys being in love...even if they aren't? Are they all 8 years old? 

“There’s already love on ‘The Bachelorette’… but it’s not what you think!”

To portray in ads one of the guys saying “falling in love with a man never crossed my mind” when they are parodying a gay love affair is immature and out of touch with how far we've come in 2015. Ick. Shame, shame ABC.

On to the recap…

I’m over it for today so let’s take care of the recap in a list:

1.    We start where we left off last week: with Kupah having a fit and brushing up on the producer who’s trying to interview him. Kaitlyn listens for a while, then goes outside to basically tell him to shut the fuck up. His demeanor switches and he tries to sweet talk her – unsuccessfully – then makes fun of her as she goes back inside. Seriously dude? Get in your unmarked van and go find yourself a trophy wife.

2.    We finally see last week’s rose ceremony: in addition to Kupah, we say good-bye to Cory (no ‘e’) and Daniel. Big whoop.

3.    First date is Sumo wrestling which is pretty freakin’ funny, especially considering the giant diapers all the guys have to wear (Kentucky Joe, JJ, Tony, Clint, Shawn Gosling and Chris Cupcake) and the balls popping out everywhere. This should be fun!

4.    Uh, not really. In particular, it pisses off Tony, who doesn’t win his match against the world champion sumo wrestler. Tony you see – is a healer; a peaceful guy – he doesn’t think violence is cool (even though he just tried to knock that Japanese guy’s block off). (I said “tried.”) You see, he’s upset that all of the dates involve violence and aggression. He wants to go on a boat or go to the zoo Kaitlyn! 

5.    Anyway, he stomps off and when Kaitlyn goes after him, he isn't shy about giving her an earful about her shitty dates. That's definitely the way to a woman's heart! Yell at her! Several guys come to her rescue and try unsuccessfully to placate Tony. What a baby.

6.    They go downtown to show their asses off in public and scare some children. Clint pulls out his high school wrestling moves and wins the day. We start to see some of the other guys’ negative reactions to Clint – which is not the first time tonight, my friends.

Photo from abc's twitter

Photo from abc's twitter

7.    Cocktail party: Tony quits (owell); Clint sulks; Shawn Gosling continues to woo Kaitlyn and gets the group date rose. 

8.    Back to Clint: his move is to wait it out and let Kaitlyn come talk to him. I remember boys used to play it this way back in 9th grade.  He’s an immature baby. And he tricked me. He tricked me with his triceratops riding Charrison picture. Even JJ thought he was being a dope. Our only solace is that Kaitlyn ends up shaming him in front of the group for not talking to her during the date. That's my girl.

9.    Next date is a surprise – Kaitlyn gets a note from Charrison that he’s set up the date and she’s to meet him at the mansion. Turns out she’s going with Ben Z to a dark creepy warehouse somewhere in L.A. Yikes. There they find Charrison who puts them into a creepy room decked out with hanging limbs, snakes, birds (I hate birds too Kaitlyn!), a mummy/zombie, bugs and something disgusting in the toilet that Ben puts his hand in. 

10.    Turns out it’s a crazy scavenger hunt they have to solve together. And by together I mean Kaitlyn’s screaming the whole time and Ben is touching all the bugs and toilet goo to get the clues (not the snakes though, he hates snakes. Just like Indiana Jones!). 

11.    Note: Ben Z is HOT. And manly. And doesn’t cry. And cares what’s on his pizza. Me likey.

12.    Hot tubs are back!

13.    Next date is with Joshua, Ben Brady, Jonathan, Tanner, Jared and Ryan (who I can’t remember anything about except his unruly hair and the fact that he called Britt a “Disney Princess” on night 1); they have to teach sex ed to a classroom of children. 

14.    Is this appropriate? Phew, we find out the kids are actually actors. Because the answer to that question is “no.”

15.    Ben Brady steals the show on this date: he teaches the kids where babies come from by describing what falling in love is all about – and smartly ties it back to Kaitlyn. And he has dreamy dimples.

16.    Kaitlyn spends QT with Joshua and especially Jared, but gives the group date rose to Ben Brady. No contest here – Ben knocked it out of the park not only with his sex talk but with the movie kiss/dip combo. And the dimples of course.

17.    During this date, we see flashes back to the house of the bromance going on between JJ and Clint. #dickheads

18.    Of the two morons participating in this “Brokeback Bachelor” farce, JJ seems more like the tagalong, looking-to-please nerd, while Clint seems like the sociopathic, evil leader, don’t you think? 

dick (photo from abc's twitter)

dick (photo from abc's twitter)

19.    At the rose ceremony, Kaitlyn pulls Clint aside to confront him about being a jerk on their date. He surprisingly apologizes and tells her it was because he was afraid. They kiss and make up. Turns out, he was just fucking around and lurks with JJ in the bushes watching her with other guys, claiming he duped her in order to get a rose. His line of the night: "Villains gotta vill." Kaitlyn's response: 

20.    No less than 3 guys give Kaitlyn the 411 on Clint and we sign off with her asking him to chat…

I guess that’s how we’re rolling this season.

Front runners:

This isn’t really a surprise – Ben H (Ben Brady), Ben Z, Shawn Gosling and Jared. I’m sorry – I see how Jared is turning on the charm but I still think there's something weird about him. I’ve fallen for Ben squared this week.

Next week: Nick!