My goodness, has "Men Tell All" (MTA) always been 2 hours long? It's essentially just a bunch of recaps and commercials for "Bachelor in Paradise" and Suave "Date Night Hair!" (Suave should give me some royalties for linking to that nonsense.) Anyway, the good news: I pre-recorded the show so I could fast-forward through the first 30 minutes. The bad news: the first 30 minutes happened.
Let's tackle MTA with a list:
- I don't care at all to see Ashlee and JP. And I especially don't care to see them do AN ULTRASOUND ON TV. OMG - has ABC gone mad? FAST FORWARD!
- "Bachelor in Paradise" looks like it's going to be a CLUSTERF*CK. Holy crap I can't wait. FAST FORWARD!
- On with the show!! The scarf thing was pretty cute. I'm glad they can laugh at themselves. You know how I feel about the scarves.
- Chris is on fire. The audience loves him! I bet they're begging him to be the next "Bachelor." Second choice: Marquel. I still think he rocks.
- So then we go through recaps of the guys not getting along. We see a lot of JJ stirring the pot and Andrew acting like a dick and I'm reminded that that whole "plot line" was annoying.
- Charrison talks directly to Marquel about the "black" comment that allegedly came from Andrew. Marquel says the issue isn't completely resolved but has some class and says he's moving on. But Charrison decides to stir the pot some more (he learned it from watching JJ) and asks Andrew point blank what he said during that rose ceremony about Ken and Marquel. He claims that he didn't say anything bad. Charrison then tells them they have video of the "incident." Busted!! Alas, no audio. This is a waste of my time.
- I would like to point out that Andrew called Marquel "Ken" (the other black guy) by mistake. Talk about pouring salt on the wound dummy!
- Side note: Chris chimes in AGAINST JJ and I love him even more. He calls JJ the pot stirrer that he is and says he didn't handle the situation like a man. I agree!
- During this whole exchange I notice that three guys in the front two rows have red pants on, including of course JJ. I find this intriguing considering ABC I'm sure has some say in what everyone wears. At least spread them out!
- Marquel gets the first visit to the hot seat and they show his journey on the show. He talks about being stuck in the friend zone. He laments not making a move sooner and in fact says that when he watched the show back he didn't realize all the other dudes were kissing her so soon. He said he looked like a square. He's adorable.
- Next up is Marcus, and yup he still looks pretty freakin' sad.
- Drumroll...it's Chris' turn!! Shhhhhhhh!!
- They recap his journey and show him getting dumped. Charrison then tells Chris his family was Andi's favorite hometown date. Charrison asks Chris if it was hard to go back to his family without Andi and of course Chris shares that his family supports him no matter what happens. That's so awesome. If that was me, my family would shame me for years.
- While Charrison is conversing with Chris, some girl from the audience (a plant) raises her hand and asks if she can ask Chris a question. Long story short she says that she wanted to meet Chris and, after some prodding, that she wants to date him too (duh, who doesn't). Anyway her name is Ketra, she's from Canada and I find her quite creepy. She also looks like she's wearing a onesie. Charrison makes them speed date on the commercial break.
- We return from the break and see Chris and Ketra chatting. She gives him her digits and we find out she is there from Toronto by herself (stalker). Then Charrison kicks her off the stage and we move on. That was silly. We already know "all of America has fallen for Chris;" we didn't need this tart to act it out on stage.
- Next, Andi is up. Is that a dress or a top?? Is Ru-Paul dressing her??
- Right off the bat she deals with Chris, and then Marcus. She gets a lot of hard questions from a lot of the guys. Then they introduce her to that creepy Chris Bukowski guy. And then she's done. That wasn't so bad.
- Charrison then surprises Andi with another set of results from the lie detector test. The silliness continues! We find out the three guys who didn't lie: Brian, JJ and Chris. I'm not surprised by Chris and Brian, but JJ? He's full of bull!
- Sidebar: Dylan looks hot. Dude finally got a decent haircut. He is actually pretty funny too.
- Back to the results, Andi gets to hear the questions some of the guys lied about. Marcus has had more than 20 sexual partners (what?!); Dylan isn't ready for marriage and prefers blondes. But when asked if she wants to hear the two lies Josh told, she declines. This is interesting. Obviously she picked her final guy long ago, so it seems like if she had picked Nick she would have read Josh's lies. Although I guess if she dumped him she wouldn't want to embarrass him either. This is the extent of my detective skills.
- Blooper real. Meh.
- To wrap it all up we see scenes from the finale. And then it's finally over. Did we find out ANYTHING worthwhile??
- During the credits we see Charrison deliver a note (on white lined paper; is it from Encyclopedia Brown??) to Andi in her "Private" room and tells her it's from one of the final two. Is this happening currently or in the past? I am confused, but that is nothing new.
See ya next week!