The Bachelorette, episode 1: recapped


bachelorette The Bachelorette Season 10 starts with Andi in her natural habitat of Atlanta - which looks so pretty don't you think?  (Oh and Andi looks pretty too of course.) We learn right off the bat that our new Bachelorette loves her job as an assistant district attorney but that she's packing up and getting the hell out of there to find the man of her dreams.  Translation:  man or no man, she ain't working no real job ever again.  Hey, I don't blame her.  If someone invited me to leave my ho hum low paying job to pack up for L.A. so I could date a bunch of dudes then take a job as an entertainment reporter, I'd run you down with my car to get out of here. 

Moving on, now we see Andi in Los Angeles shopping (aka doing the obligatory ABC promo photo shoot).  Damn, this girl is a natural huh?  She's really beautiful but in a totally interesting and relatable way.  Does that make sense?  I meant it to be a compliment.  I also heard that she has said to the media that this season won't be all hot tubs and bikinis -- in fact, she's the first ever cast member to don a ONE PIECE BATHING SUIT (OMG! What a prude!).

Anyway after the shopping trip she hops in her fancy convertible (best perk of the whole deal) and drives to her temporary home in the Hollywood Hills (or wherever she gets to live).  She does some more photos, meets with Chris Harrison (from this point referred to as "Charrison"), then eventually talks outfits with her sister in a completely awkward and staged interaction.  We see that she's choosing between two sparkly dresses and I gotta say, thank goodness she went with option #2.  Dress #1 = me no likey.

Let's move along to the limos.  Andi gets the standard pep talk from Charrison on the freshly hosed down driveway (which apparently he does himself) and yadda yadda yadda the limos start rolling in.  I'm not going to go through all of these jokers individually.  My overall impression is that it's a strange group.  There are a lot of shorties (not my thing), a lot of nerves, a lot of white teeth and a lot of stupid attempt-at-attention moves, none of which really jump out to me as cool or sexy or interesting.  The little globe was nice from (insert name here as I can't even remember); the lock and key thing with Tasos was cute.  The pushing the limo thing?  No thanks.  The lamp?  I love lamp and all but that wasn't funny.  The champagne thing was just bizarre.  The guy that said his name rhymes with "Anal?"  Did that really happen?!  I think I saw a couple of bow ties in the mix too.  No bueno.

Andi took everything in stride though.  She used the same lines on most everyone (I would think it would hard to come up with new material for 25 different meet and greets - it would be like if you were filmed doing Speed Dating) but rolled with everything they threw at her with a good sense of humor.  So far I'm a fan!

It was nice to see a dude representing Atlanta - Andi's hometown and my current one - but this guy (a former baseball player) however dreamy he is, seems to be a bit of a player.  Later on, Andi herself acknowledged that this is the type of guy she normally goes for and then realized quickly that maybe she needs to break type and expand her horizons.   Obviously we can't judge a book by it's cover at this stage of the game (that would be wrong) but we did hear him speak twice and he seems pretty full of himself.  He has two strikes so far in my book, but we shall see.

Other highlights of the cocktail party:  the bromance between Patrick and Andrew -- both of whom I found attractive (and tall!!) before finding out they were into Formula One or race cars or whatever the hell it is and were kibitzing about it like a couple of ten year olds.  These two definitely wont be the ones causing drama in this house.  They are going to totally be BFF.  I loved Marquel's plate of cookies (where did those come from?) and the black and white cookie bit was a funny way to break the interracial ice.  Bonus: he's adorable.  Perhaps a bit too slick, but the cookies get him a pass.  I was waiting to think Chris - the farmer from Iowa - was just a big hick, but he was actually pretty adorable.  I can't see Andi dating someone who grows corn soybeans, or who lives in Iowa, but all the power to him.  Keep him around for aesthetics at least.  What else?  Did I hear a couple of the long haired guys (yes there were more than one) say they didn't even have a chance to talk to her?  That must be a huge letdown...but maybe the producers steer her towards certain people?  Who knows (#conspiracytheory).  Anyway I love a guy with long hair, but three of them was a little much, one of whom was saying "rad" and "dude" like he was Pauly Shore's mini-me.  I honestly thought she was diggin' Camps -- they made some pretty heavy duty eyes at each other after first meeting -- but I guess he wasn't aggressive enough for her.

I guess I should also acknowledge stalker-gate.  That Chris Bukowski guy from Emily's season of The Bachelorette and from Bachelor Pad (who I remember being a big a-hole) showed up on the property and claimed he had been there a week waiting to get on the show to meet Andi.  That sounds ridiculous.  Who thinks this was all staged??  So anyway security stops him; they summon Charrison and he eventually asks Andi what she thinks about letting Chris on the show.  She considers it for a moment but then thank heavens says that it isn't cool to do to the other guys since they had to go through what I can imagine is a grueling (i.e. humiliating) process to get on this show.   Smart move Andi -- for more reasons than you know.

ANYWAY Nick V. ends up getting the "first impression rose."  The FIR - for anyone who doesn't know - is a rose that goes to a guy that she likes right off the bat and wants to send straight through to the next "round."  Typically the FIR not only puts a target on said person's back with the other cast members, but also puts a ton of pressure on the guy to live up to her "first impression" - um, obviously.  I don't think we've seen a first impression situation go very far, but this could be the year.  Andi seems to have a good head on her shoulders and this Nick V. guy does seem to be relatively authentic and smart as far.

I'm not going through the rose ceremony as I hate that part with a passion (see? this show makes me passionate).  The best part about it is the exit interviews, which without fail bring out at least one crybaby/angerball per episode.  This evening didn't disappoint.  Josh B. didn't get a rose and was pretty pissed (read: embarrassed) that he "wasted his time" and that his "friend" put him up to this.  Keep it together pal.  Have some dignity.  If you are willing to go on this crazy show, you need to take what comes with a bucket of salt.

So I think Andi made some interesting decisions (she kept the Opera guy? the limo pusher? What about Camps!?) but overall has an interesting group left.  I hope some of these fellas look better in their street clothes because no one stood out to me so far.

Until next week my friends.  And remember, no judgment.  I'm using this material to get my degree in social anthropology at Emory.

Just kidding.

P.S. the upcoming scenes look crazy.  This is gonna be the most dramatic season ever!